Tuesday, 11 October 2011


Ever tempted to go completely off the rails? Perhaps you have? What's it like on that side of the tracks? I only ask because the option isn't really available to me. I've too much to lose. Actually, those around me have too much to lose.
It's not that I feel trapped. I love life and my circumstances. I've been lucky beyond belief. It must sound ungrateful to sometimes want to step outside the normal, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. 
I can't be the only one? Tell me I'm not the only one? Whisper it in my ear next time you're passing. I'll understand. 
In so many ways I try to be Mr Normal. On most days I can pull it off, give or take the odd transgression. What about you, though? There's got to be something outrageous you'd like to do? Something crazy? Something that would change how people perceived you? Perhaps you've less to lose than I have? If so what is it that causes you to hesitate? What are you afraid of? Rejection? Ridicule? 
I suppose those aren't bad reasons. 
For what it's worth, I've absolutely no  idea why I'm writing this. No game plan. This is a kind of free roaming. Yet even now I can feel my inhibitions pressing in on me, subtle but persistent, a kind of straight jacket. This is probably just as well. Give a guy like me too much rope and I'd probably hang myself. I have a healthy distrust of my own impulses, which could lead me into all kinds  of mischief. I've had to give myself a good talking to on more than one occasion in the last year, and I've just about managed to keep a lid on the crazy. It's just that sometimes I don't want to. I like the crazy, I like the outlandish, and I recoil from the routine and the mundane. 
Yes, I know. Big kid. Should really grow up. Only I've no real idea what that means? What precisely is it that I'm meant to be conforming to?

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