Modern Relationships & Why It's Never Been A Better Time To Be A Cat

Meowww. Sorry, I need to speak your language. My name is Tiddles, and I'm a 3 year old Tabby cat. Rob has kindly invited me as a guest blogger because he felt my take on modern relationships was coming from a unique angle. So here goes. I've noticed that as a cat the choices of female owner to me has never been greater. There are women, mostly in their 30's and upwards, who are literally falling over themselves to take me into their home and treat me like royalty. According to my dad, Ginger, it never used to be this way. Not so long ago women rarely had time for us because they'd be spending it with other two legged creatures that looked like them. What's the name? Oh yeah, men. Us cats barely got a look in, but times have been changing. Sometime a while back there was this thing called feminism that people started talking about. Like many ideas it started out for the right reasons, meant to empower women to have a voice and freedoms hitherto unavailable to them. Only like a lot of good ideas it got corrupted by some really zany women, and for some reason we reached a point where "Being a woman" meant little more than having the worst qualities of the worst kind of men. In fact, the real men became the butt of the joke. They got shamed for being masculine, for wanting to protect and provide and take care of women. They were told by boss babes that they were surplus to requirements, an ancient remnant of an old idea long past its prime. Only it got worse, because should a women enter into a long term relationship with a man they had literally ALL the power, and should things go south men would be left in a hole. I hear that on average women initiate 80 percent of divorces, with that rising to 90 percent when the female is college educated. Given that the courts skewed heavily in favour of them men would frequently be left financially crippled, and oftentimes with little or no access to their kittens. Sorry, I meant kids. This isn't my first language. The dating landscape became a hellscape for men, with everything stacked against them. And for a while nothing changed, but a few years back a strange new trend began to emerge. It seemed that men became increasingly cautious of entering into relationships because the risks around it outweighed the positives. Modern women, lazy in their own sense of entitlement, were literally bringing nothing to the table. They would have unrealistic expectations, and would frequently weaponise sex and use it as a bargaining chip in order to keep men compliant. Some men, the weaker one's just accepted this because they had been conditioned to do so. But the smarter one's, the self aware one's, the capable one's began to see that modern women had absolutly nothing to offer. Young men in their early 20's who were just starting to achieve began to realise that if they picked the wrong specimen then if things soured the female would emerge from the relationship with the vast majority of the resources. The home, the money, the kids. And the penny dropped for men, and the clever and self aware one's began to apply an abundance of caution to their dating rituals. They began to recognise the red flags, and some of them just straight up checked out of the dating game, choosing casual non commitment or often no relationship at all. Which is where being a cat comes in. You see, given that the good guys are checking out then it leaves a void. So cats like me just stepped in and offered these lonely and embittered spinsters the love they weren't getting elsewhere. Well, I say love, but as a cat all I'm really interested in is the quality of the food, easy access to cat nip, a warm bed and a wide choice of neighbours gardens to shit in. But the women don't know this. Actually, some do, but they put up with it. So this guest blog is really to sound the siren to all those cats out there looking for a good home. Now the real men have gone we need to be stepping in and giving these women what they need. And we need to be quick about it because there are already signs these women, albeit slowly, are starting to sense things aren't how they used to be. You hear them complain that men aren't approaching them. I hear them crying into their cheap wine bottles about how all the good men are taken, They haven't quite figured out that the good men aren't taken but simply avoiding the kind of "empowered girl boss" these women aspired to be. So step up cats of the world. There's a void to fill. There's cat nip and cosy beds and legs to rub against. Let's do these sad old spinsters a solid and give them a few crumbs of comfort. They never need to know that we don't really care. . . .