How many of you have ever read any erotic fiction? How many of you have tried to write it, either for private or public consumption?
It's ok, I'm not asking for a show of hands. After all, I'm not here to embarrass you. I think there's a traditional assumption that females are more drawn to the subtlety of literature whereas us guys need big garish pictures of wenches in basques in order to get off. I happen to think this is a misapprehension. As someone who writes and as someone with a vivid imagination I've found it really useful to explore my ideas on sexuality in written form. It's something I've been experimenting with for several months and it's been interesting, and sometimes kind of sexy to get things down on virtual paper, so to speak.
Now admit it, unless you're mired in repression, you have your own sexual fantasies. You've probably nurtured them and grown them over several years, collecting new elements and discarding others along the way. At least, I hope that's what you've been doing. If not I'm tempted to ask why? The really cool thing is that the sky is the limit when you sit down and start recording your thoughts and ideas on sex and fantasy. You can explore themes and construct scenarios, and do the wildest things. Nobody get's cheated on, and nobody exploited. It's just you and your mind, the ultimate playground and the place where all the best toys are just a thought away. I bet you've had the odd outrageous thought about a colleague, or a boss, or a person you sit opposite on the bus, haven't you? Now in reality you may have nothing sexually in common, but inside your imagination you share all the same kinks, and he or she is always ready to indulge you.
Oh hang on, I'm hearing an objection. Such an admission of, let alone exploration into these territories is a form of adultery, and cheapens those we find ourselves imagining? Whilst I can see how dwelling too long on another person might lead to obsession, or in the worse case the devaluing of a current partner, I'd suggest that the odd foray into fantasy is actually fairly harmless. Also, perhaps you and your partner already have a good level of physical intimacy, and you've both been honest enough about the things you do not wish to explore? This may lead to frustration for the deprived partner, and to get these thoughts and ideas down may prove something of a release valve. Now I want to be clear that I'm an advocate of strong, deep, and mutually enriching long term relationships, but I'm under no illusion that there are challenges to maintaining intimacy. Kids, work pressure, all manner of stresses can decouple a person from their own sexuality, and this is where we as caring partners come in. We need to cherish, to build up, to let our other half know they matter. I think If I've learned one very important thing as a man it's that the levels of connection between a couple have a direct bearing on the levels of intimacy. I don't know whether it's the same in same sex relationships, so I won't speculate. Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent and I want to get back on track. If you have a fantasy or a desire then to explore it in words can be enriching, illuminating, and just plain sexy. And perhaps your partner may be interested in reading those thoughts if you have the confidence to share them? All I'm saying is don't keep it all in, don't let it fester and build resentment and distance between you. For most couples there are differences in sexual preference; differences we need to be respectful of and sensitive to. But this doesn't mean you can't explore your own mind, your own kinks, your own outer limits. Surely that's more sensible than struggling with something that you don't need to struggle with?