There's An Awful Lot Of Cowards Out There

You have been silenced, haven't you? The narrative is all one way, and the mob have spoken. If you do not step in line then trouble's coming your way. I'm really glad I do not live in America, because I think I'd be in trouble due to my outspoken condemnation of Black Lives Matter. A week or so back, during a casual lunch time conversation, somebody mentioned that I was brave for speaking so plainly. I let it pass at the time, but when I thought about it I wondered why? I mean why is it brave to speak honestly about facts? To condemn mob rule? wide spread disorder? Looting, violence, bullying? This isn't bravery, it's neccessity. So why aren't you speaking up? What are you afraid of? I'm going to speculate. In some cases I think there is some fear, perhaps legitimately held, that employers will take a dim view. That the person with an opinion will somehow be bringing an organisation into disrepute. Whilst I understand this, might I argue that the more people who condemn this insanity, the harder it becomes for employers to take such an approach. You don't have to be rude, or racist, or inflammatory. You just have to say that in the face of these insane social justice bully boy tactics you will stay true to your values. You won't be cowed by a mob of ill informed fools who aren't willing to actually accrue the facts before embarking upon their ludicrous crusade. We must NEVER give in to the mob. We must NEVER be silenced by fear. This is how fascism rises to power, on the shoulders of complicit silence. So you'd rather play it safe, stay mute despite having some agreement with me? I get it. I don't particularly respect it, though. I'd argue that it is, in the long term, a kind of self harm. You have a voice. You are allowed to use it. And I do think we are reaching a tipping point when we have to take a peaceful stand. Concerning racism, Martin Luther King's monumental words 18 steps from the top of the Lincoln Memorial are the definitive words on racism. He implored us to judge a person by the content of their charachter rather than by the colour of their skin. Yet what are we doing today? Everything is seen through the lens of identity politics. We're segregating ourselves into tribes. And newsflash people; tribes end up in conflict. We should be going in the opposite direction, seeking to bring people under a common umbrella of humanity. A place where skin colour is as meaningless as hair colour, where we seek to embrace rather than reject. Nothing good comes from seperating into disparate groups, as it leads to distrust, misunderstanding, lack of empathy. And as always, and I cannot believe I need to be saying this, but take the time to check the facts, or if uncertain be sure you make clear that you continue to await more information. With this latest killing of a black man that is precisely what the mob failed to do. And what is worse is how the media embarks on a feeding frenzy and fans the flames of discord. Sometimes I wonder where all the honest journalism has gone. The BBC are a disgrace, whilst the likes of CNN and Vox are so agenda driven they have long since cast truth into a shallow grave. One remarkable example was caught yesterday. CNN were running a peice on the shooting and there was a banner running along the bottom of the screen describing how "Violent protests" were taking place. About 20 seconds into the segment the banner was removed, and then returned with the word "Violent" removed. So it seems they tried honest journalism for a few moments before somebody pointed out the mistake. So taking everything I've said into account, can I gently encourage you to stand up for what you believe? Can I plead with you to live out your values? I reject BLM because I think they are capricous bullies, and that their agenda is violent and disruptive. And I can say all of this and not be a racist. I hate racism. It's stupidity squared. We should expunge it from society as soon as we can. But if you think destroying communities, bullying innocent members of the public, and outright refusing to ackowledge brute facts is the way to go about this then you and I have no common ground.

On Relationships

I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships, I'm still learning. I don't always get it right. But when I think about what makes them work I think I have a few ideas. I'm quietly confident that there's a need to "Dial in" to what makes the other person tick. What causes them to feel empowered, valued, heard, enriched? In so many ways this is an ongoing project, because of course people change, and often in ways you may not have forseen, or sometimes the circumstances within the relationship change, with outside pressures conspiring to make connection just that bit more of a challenge. When I say "Dial in", I mean no more than to show a willingness to engage with what your partner needs in order to flourish. Again this may change from time to time, but I think a willingness on our part to commit to the concept says alot about a person. Also, it isn't wholly down to you, because of course the other person has primary responsibility to ensure they are aspiring to be the best version of themselves. It can never be your job to "fix" another person. We can only do so much at the end of the day, but that's as it should be. For me I want to learn where I'm going wrong, where I could be doing better, and that requires some discomfort from time to time. I'm so fortunate to be married to a women who will be honest with me, and under the right circumstances forthright about it. Recently we had one of those conversations which just flowed naturally from a place of trust. I was able to ask what I could be doing better, and I was privilaged to receive honest feedback. That enables me to know where I might not be dialling in well, and gives me time to reflect and then commit to do better. I have to climb over my own ego to get there but that's not a big price to pay. I want a great marriage built on rock solid foundations. A marriage that is cool at any given time, but also like a stream, able to break around the rocks and continue to new places. And rivers do need to flow otherwise they become stagnant and overgrown, and who'd want to swim in those waters? Changing tact slightly, I often hear young single people say things like "I have high standards" or "I'm too picky." Now this sounds great in principle, yet I actually regard it as a bit of a red flag, and for the following reasons. I think the best connections occur when people bounce off each other in a natural and easy way, and I have concerns that when we're too rigid with our initial expectations we potentially create some unneccesarily uncomfortable hoops for others to jump through. When you're in a new relationship you are at the beginning of a journey, the start of a tale, and the very best tales grow in the telling. So by all means have high standards, but do let the other person breath lest you want to choke the life out of the relationship before it gets a chance to flourish. Now you might be reading this and rolling your eyes and thinking, "What does he know?", "What entitles Rob to say all this?" And of course that's fair comment. I've no particular expertise, unless learning by my failings counts as expertise. It's just that's its 0530 on a Saturday morning and I can't sleep, and I had all these thoughts just fizzing around. Do what you want with anything I've suggested. None of it is neccessarily correct or useful. You get to decide what bits to take onboard and what to throw away. I'm just a middle aged fella who's slightly past his best who has a mind that loves engaging with the things that really matter. And relationships really matter. We agree on that part, right?