Thursday, 6 October 2011

People Don't Leave Good Relationships

People don't leave good relationships. And relationships crumble almost always due to communication related issues. Whether the issue is sex, money, emotional, or whatever, when people are open at least a relationship knows where it stands. That's a non controversial observation, right?
Another observation. Next time you're out with friends or colleagues, pay particular attention towards how they speak of their partners. If they are continually negative, derogatory, and unkind you can be reasonably sure that you don't want to be in a relationship with them. You'd be surprised how many do this, and I confess to a degree of bewilderment?
If you have an issue within a relationship, don't you have a certain obligation to address it? I mean, what's the point belly aching to others if you haven't at least made some effort to talk things through with your other half? And if you have done this, and that person isn't prepared to listen and engage with your concerns, that's surely a good indicator that you're in an unhealthy alliance. My point here is simple, and it's that relationships don't magically regenerate. Over the months and years baggage accumulates, and if it isn't dealt with it just breeds resentment, distrust, lack of respect. And by the way, if you are the type of person who bad mouths your partner what does that say about you? Well I'd suggest that at the very least you've got some maturity issues, which isn't exactly an ideal commodity is it?
Let's be real. Some relationships may not last. But a whole lot more could be a whole lot better if partners were prepared to engage with each other rather than regress into some childish siege mentality. I'm not saying for a second that anyone should stay within a violent or emotionally abusive situation, but that's not what I'm angling at today. It's those relationships that could be better, could be brilliant, could be fun and engaging and enriching. Life get's in the way of this goal, and children add another, albeit wonderful challenge to the mix. It just saddens me when I see couples that seem bored with each other, or passive aggressive, or outright hostile. Is that really how you want to spend your days?
If you get the chance, google a book called "The Five Love Languages". Both Joy and I read this many years ago and it was a real eye opener. We've learned how we tick, and we're still learning. And more than that, we're still investing time and effort into each other. As a man my focus can wander, and I've had periods when tempted to stray. That's just me being honest, but what prevented this was a deep knowledge that what I have is worth so much more than what I could find elsewhere. We've been building this thing for thirteen years, and the construction continues. It probably won't ever be finished, but it's lovely to live in.

No comments:

Post a Comment