Thursday, 21 July 2011

You And Your Ego

Am I the only one who struggles with pride? Nah, thought not. It's the proverbial bee in all our bonnets, and it's a quality that I don't like about myself. Example; I was challenged the other day over some e- mails I had sent to a senior figure within the organization questioning one or two aspects of what we do. I can be fairly direct, and sometimes sarcastic, and these e-mails were fairly brimming with both. So when challenged what to do? Well on the surface I nodded and admitted to an error of judgement. This was the correct thing to do. Afterwards though I created all kinds of scenarios in my mind to justify what I had done, and almost managed to convince myself that I had been wronged.
Reality check. I hadn't been wronged. I'd been clumsy. I'd been, without putting too finer point on it, me. I do have this knack of saying the right thing in the wrong way sometimes, and I'm hopeful that I may improve in time. Thing is, though, what force of nature was coaxing me to create some alternate reality of what had occurred? It was pride. Just pride. And I don't know a single person who hasn't been undone by it at some point or another. It's not easy to reflect upon our failings, is it? I mean, really stare squarely at them and admit them for what they are? If you're me, before I come to the right state of mind I usually have to sulk a bit first. Childish, I know, but I'm trying to be honest here. I have to purge my system of petulant, proud, and resistant Rob in order for considered, contrite, and humble Rob to enter in. I wish I could skip the first part, but there you have it. I'm a work in progress and and unfinished canvas.
Anyway, what about you? Recognize anything of yourself in this? I reckon you probably do. I know I'm not the only one prone to this. So what to do? Well I suppose we just need to continually reflect on the way we handle our lesser moments. It's easy to do the right thing when all's well in our world, but when the wheels come off, when we commit an indiscretion, that's when the measuring stick is at it's most accurate, and most humbling. Don't be too hard on yourself; you're in fine company. And if you can admit when you've got it wrong then it says that you're willing to learn. And being willing to learn isn't such a bad affliction, is it?

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