Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Sex & Trust

I see little point in getting inside someone's knickers unless you also get inside their head. Now with that attention grabbing statement deployed I can safely resume in the knowledge that for the next couple of minutes you're mine.
I've long since believed that the core of our sexuality is actually a product of our minds, which in turn sends all those lovely signals and impulses which prompt us to feel, well, pretty much the most intense physical pleasures possible. Inside our minds are our fantasies, those scenarios and ideas that we mostly keep to ourselves yet yearn to express. How they formed and how they evolve is different for everybody, but I'd wager that all reading this have at least a few sexual ideas they like to entertain when the mood and opportunity allows. Now from my vantage it seems creakingly, crushingly obvious that if we want to enable our partners to give free reign to their sexuality we have to have the fullest possible understanding of what makes them tick. For me this has always been the fun part, and its appeal never wanes. From your perspective imagine the following; somebody with whom you're intimate has handed you the keys to their sexual imagination; they've been open and brave enough to let you into their inner sanctum. You know what turns them on, you have a roadmap that can lead off in untold directions. What exactly is it that prevents that journey from taking place?

Well, I can think of a few things. First, if you don't have an emotionally secure relationship to start with that might inhibit intimacy. And then there's the elephant in the room, that basic fear we have of making ourselves vulnerable. We've all felt it, haven't we? We cannot quite bring ourselves to express
our sexual desires for fear of ridicule, rejection, revulsion. It's that fear of opening up, giving somebody the whole unabridged story. What if they can't cope? What if they tell others? Sadly, both those fears do have some validity. I expect many unkind poeple have betrayed the trust and confidence of former or even current partners, and there will always be a certain risk that comes with vulnerabilty.

Ultimately we have to make a choice. Do we settle for less? Are we ok with less? Or do we want to explore and develop our amazing sexual imagination in the presence of a loving, considerate partner?
For me, I don't want barriers in any area of my relationship, and I'm not just talking about sexuality now. I want to see those I'm closest to flourish, and if I can play a part in that then I couldn't be happier. On the matter of sex nothing phases me, and I'd hate to think that I would ever be the kind of person who would create barriers to another's fulfillment. I really think many couples need to be a bit braver with each other, allow their imaginations and sexuality to merge in ways that make relationships strong and deeply intimate. Hollywood superstar Paul Newman was once interviewed and asked how he had managed to resist infidelity during his years of fame and stardom. He replied
simply, "Why go out for a burger when I can have steak at home?"

I think you get the gist.

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