Friday, 29 July 2011

System Reset?

If you had the opportunity for a blank slate, would you take it? What I mean to say is that if you could unlearn everything that you knew and were given the opportunity to start fresh, how appealing would that be?
Are there some things you know that you wished you didn't? Is there ever an argument for erasing certain facts? You know what? My life would have been a whole lot easier if I'd ignored certain voices, so I absolutely understand the appeal. What would you unlearn? What would you like another run at? I guess that when I use the term unlearn I really mean just shedding ourselves of all the pre-conceived biases and defense mechanisms we accumulate throughout the course of our lives. There are some things we just find so hard to let go of, ideas so dear that they have informed us and shaped us for perhaps a lifetime. 
Confession; sometimes I wish I'd never questioned my faith. You probably find this hard to believe given the grief i dish out to religion almost daily. My life was peaceful, uncontroversial, and I sure as heck had more friends. I had a wider support network and the approval of many. Why oh why did I have to rock the boat, and undo all those years of honest well intentioned belief? It may also surprise you that there have been times when I wished it could be true, although these are often during times of tension or uncertainty. I'd be lying if I didn't confess to a certain loneliness sometimes. I know, I've an amazing family and a some good friends, and I get on with most people I meet so long as they are genuine. So what do I mean by lonely? I guess I mean adrift. I never really feel that anybody get's me. I often feel disconnected and remote in a way that I never used to. Make no mistake I'm not courting sympathy nor seeking redemption; it's just that I don't really fit in anywhere and sometimes I'd quite like to. Just for awhile. Just to remember what it's like. So going back to the original question would you reset factory settings and accept the offer of a blank slate if you could? Are there things you'd like to be blind to or ignorant of? If yes then I don't blame you, and nor would I think you a coward. Planet Earth can be a deathtrap to our hopes and our aspirations, and I don't begrudge anyone who liked the idea of making their paths just a bit easier to traverse. As for me, whilst I confess to a flicker of temptation I don't think I'd accept the gift. And after all would it actually be a gift at all? Or just a placebo to keep reality at bay?

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