Thursday, 1 September 2011

The Right Kind Of Man?

Joy tells me that in one of the Anne Of Green Gables novels the lead character confides that whilst she likes her men to be generally good, they should always have something about them to suggest they can also be bad. 
Going out on a limb, I suspect that a lot of ladies out there would go with this?Admit it, if we're too nice, too fawning, too docile we bore the pants off you. You don't want that kind of nice. You might as well admit it because we know already. You want a guy who's going to treat you like a lady most of the time, but who isn't remiss at knowing when a lady is the last thing you want to be treated like. There's a combination of the rough and the smooth that you kind of like, and there's a part of you that likes the fact that you can't always second guess what's coming next. 
I'm yet to meet a female who didn't appreciate being put on a pedestal from time to time, and as a guy I do like having someone to adore. There's something in my nature that draws me to traditional femininity, which is probably why Joy and I fit together so well. She regularly tells me that I'm a typical boy, and there's always a smile on her face when she does. 
So anyway, about this whole idea of the right kind of man, am I anywhere near the mark? I'm pretty sure you don't want a doormat, or a mummy's boy who can't tie his own shoelaces, and I'm also confident you're not after a wife battering moron who expects you to cook and clean and generally be his slave. Maybe some relationships can tick along like that, but I'm not sure whether that could ever be viewed as healthy? A good indicator of whether a female respects her partner is to hear how she speaks of him when he's not around. I've listened to women spout off about how useless her other half is, or how inattentive, or thoughtless, or just plain lazy. Never a good thing, as far as I can tell. Wouldn't those complaints be better directed towards the man in question or have I missed something?
So then, here's my checklist. I need to treat you like a lady most of time, except when I'm being a rascal. I need to make sure I really do listen rather than just pretending to; which is sometimes harder than you'd think. I'm thinking you want your man to be a lover and a friend combined, and definitely not an adult child or a generally useless tart. And talking of children, even when they come along you don't want me to lose my desire or appreciation of you. This is where I think a lot of relationships go belly up; the kids come along and before you know it they take over everything, and in so doing suck every ounce of passion and desire that Mum and Dad formerly had.
Newsflash; don't ever forget what it was that made your relationship strong. Don't start living your life through your kids at the expense of the very relationship which forged them. This error has destroyed more potentially good partnerships than any other, and it's such an easy mistake to make. You're not just a Mummy. You're a wife, a companion, a temptress. And as for me I'm not just a Daddy. I'm a friend, a lover, a real man with all that goes with it. So many couples work so hard to sustain families that they lose themselves and each other into the bargain. Yet know this; if you're kids have parents that are still into each other rather than just separate people maintaining family life they will reap the benefits. If you're strong as a couple then you're kids can only benefit. It's the ultimate win win scenario. Only like all things of value none of it comes easy; it's up to all involved to make sure they give the best of themselves. As I've said before the analogy that the grass is always greener is just plain wrong headed. The grass is greener when you water it. So please excuse me whilst I whip out my hose and get on with the task at hand.

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