Life is odd. Today I'm forced to conclude that to be too honest is not always beneficial. Yes, I know, most of you learned this before puberty. I guess I'm just a bit of a simpleton when it comes to social interaction. You see, I've always been transparent, always prepared to identify my own issues and equally prepared to challenge the ideas of others. I'm wired this way, I can't do tip toeing around, which makes me either hugely entertaining or incredibly frustrating. I divide opinion, I'm like marmite, and I've known this for many years. My best quality, or worst depending what side of the fence you're on, is my simple need to be authentic and genuine in my dealings with others. Is that too old school? Naive? Perhaps. And whilst you're not obligated to like it at least you know where you stand. Fact is, I'm not very good at faking things or concealing how I feel. Pure honesty bubbles around inside me and occasionally erupts, sometimes with volcanic quality. I just don't have the levels of ambiguity most people have? And this means, from time to time, I fall foul of something or somebody.
There are times in life when I'd be better off exercising self control. I read about self control in a book once. From what I'm told it can and does come in rather handy, especially when trying to ascend the social ladder. I also understand that it's useful from a career vantage? I wonder, is there anywhere I can rent it? Just for a while? For those moments when I need to reign it in?
Problem is, it would just feel like a coat to wear, and a really uncomfortable and scratchy one at that. At the end of the day I just want to be real. Just clumsy old me, brash and slightly eccentric and wildly creative me.
It's those little boxes again. Remember the little boxes I blogged about before? The one's I don't seem capable of squeezing into. I'm forty now, so if I plan to become a conformist I should probably do it sooner rather than later. Perhaps I should just join the tide? Be more discerning when it comes to sounding off?
Actually, fuck that. It's so much more fun on this side of the fence!