Thursday, 22 September 2011

A Virtual Tour Of Me

I'm a man of extremes. An opinionated, clumsy, occasionally funny train wreck of ideas, innuendo, philosophy, all topped off with lots of sexual obsessions. I don't belong to any particular philosophy and I'm equally happy to offend friend and foe alike. If you are insane enough to enjoy my company, or masochistic enough to read my blogs you'll identify three or four themes that I tend to gravitate toward, give or take the odd detour.
I have huge issues with religion, which seems to me to fail almost every test one could set it. I'm obsessed with questions of sexuality, people's sexual antics and opinions thereof. I ponder questions of life and death, hope and despair, and I'm never far away from a glib one liner. I stopped caring whether anybody liked me sometime during my mid-late 30's and have never looked back. Tip of the day folks, shed that skin and travel light. Life's too short to agonise about the opinion other's have of you, besides which they are probably wrong, unless it's my opinion, which is always right, except when it isn't.
I'm more interested in truth than comfort. I drink lots of tea and think coffee is the work of Satan, who by the way doesn't exist. I've recently developed a deep distrust of Smurfs and believe they are trying to take over the world. 
I have an ability to make dangerously spontaneous decisions, and in fact did just that about forty eight hours ago based on a desire to expose myself to more natural light. Meet me on any given day and I hope I come across as Mr Average, only there's a lunatic beneath the bonnet, a leering wild eyed crazy dude with an aversion to political correctness and bafflegab.
By the way, bafflegab is my new favourite word. It's deployed when somebody is trying to pull the wool over your eyes by using big words and long sentences. Bafflegab has usurped my previous favourite word, which was viscous, only I don't have much practical application for it anymore.
I adore the natural world, and I'm proud to be an ape. People who believe in Creationism are shits who need a logic enema, and if I happen across one you really do need to stand clear because it invariably get's ugly. My hobbies include baiting American evangelical Christians, but only the one's who claim to know things they cannot possibly know. I've all the time in the world for the garden variety believer and count many of them as friends. From time to time I do like a good discussion about sex, because I love it and I think we should all learn to express that part of our nature without fear of taboo. I'm a leg man rather than a breast man, although breasts are quite fun too. The really good news about me is that if I do have an issue with you I'm probably going to raise it, which put's you in the happy position of never having to second guess me. 
All told, I have absolutely no idea what I've just said. If I started this post again I'd probably come up with different nonsense. 
Welcome to my world. And no, it was never meant to make sense.

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