Monday, 20 June 2011

Coming out

The difference between what people think they know compared to what they actually know about you is usually so wide that it isn't worth losing any sleep over. Funny then, how we can be so swayed by what people think and say. I bet you remember many more of the negative comments others made about you rather than the compliments that came your way? Why is that? Why are we so often subconscious slaves to the whims and opinions of others?
As things go, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been, yet the journey to get there was tortuous. For many years I was way too concerned with how I was perceived. I wanted to be seen as a good person, an upright person, an example of a decent guy. Now whilst there is something noble about this it often proves a double edge sword. I ended up drowning myself amidst the expectations of others, trying too hard, which resulted in me being a kind of  cardboard cut out. On the outside it all ran smooth, yet i was the proverbial whitewashed tomb. Clean exterior, big mess of contradictions within. I reached a point where something had to give, and from that I've evolved into the man I am today. It's absurd, erratic, and often plotless, but at least it's honest. More than that, I'm comfortable enough with who I am not to preoccupy myself with the opinions of others.
Perhaps you recognize something of yourself when you read this? Are you being authentic or are you still a slave to the unspoken expectations of others? What are you still in the closet about? Who exactly are you? Is it really you in there? Or are you just a performer conforming with society's narrative?
I don't presume to know you. This entire post may be missing the target as far as you're concerned. If yes then move along. But, if there's somebody reading this, somebody who wants to be a different kind of person than the one they are today, then perhaps this is the key to the ignition? 
You don't have to live your life as an apology. You're not totally subject to forces beyond your control. Awaken. Open your eyes. Be real and true to yourself. See how far that get's you.

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