What Are You Bringing To A relationship?

It's an honest question. And there's a reason for it. When I listen to some people as they speak about their wants and expectations for a partner I find myself quietly perplexed. I tend to hear a laundry list of preferences, a set of performance standards, a level of attentiveness etc. Ok, I'm thinking, I guess you are free to do that. But I do need to warn you that you have successfully created an enormous bannana skin for yourself. Now in the case of men, a certain percentage would have no idea that they are under this amount of scrutiny. But for the self aware one's, the smart one's, all those "Good men" you claim are all spoken for or that do not exist, how attractive do you think they are going to find being under such scrutiny? Gee, I can't wait to spend time with this girl so I can tick all those boxes and jump through all those hoops. To me that sounds about as enticing as bungee jumping from Tower Bridge with the cord attached to my testicles. Pro tip, self aware and capable men do exist, but they are likely giving you a wide berth. We've all heard the phrase "High maintenance", well that would be you. So given that this is my blog and I can say precisely what I wish, I'm going to suggest that if you really want to get the best from any prospective partner you might want to let them breathe. Don't expect them to be like some performing seal at Whipsnade Zoo, cajoling them to perform party tricks in order to get a fish. Message from the good guys, "Keep your fucking fish, I'm off to Mcdonalds" Look around you, all those "Good men" typically end up with women who are smart, classy, and emotionally together. Women who have high standards but also realistic one's. Fantastic women who deserve all the good things that a good man wants to bring to a relationship. Fun, loyalty, resiliance, creativity. You know, all that stuff you demand yet have completely failed to work for. And so to the title of this blog. What are you bringing to the table? If it's just long legs, big tits, and perfect skin tone then you will find no shortage of men circling you. But will they be the kind of men you really want? I suspect not, because that guy is going to spot you a mile off. Now that's not to say that being visually striking isn't a great tool to have in your kit, but the "Good men" are probably going to be looking for someone with smarts and wit and creativity, too. I often hear women speak about men in very dismissive terms, and a lot of the critique is fair because there are no shortage of imbeciles out there. But I also think there is a propensity to seriously underestimate us. We all get dumped in the same melting pot, which is lazy minded, and also I might add a warning flag to the more articulate and self aware fella's in the room. So to repeat; they do exist but they are likely not beguiled by your playbook. Now it isn't for me to give advice, so I'm therefore going to do it anyway. Just relax into yourself a little. Focus on being the best version of yourself and try not to analyse every last facet of a prospective partners behaviour. Guys love ladies that are chilled and fun and at ease with themselves. So perhaps work on that? Perhaps work on you before you seek to reconstruct others. And allow those guys you like the look of to be authentically themselves; stop marking them like they are constantly under assessment. Relationships work best when there's a balance of expection combined with a shared desire to build and create something good. It can be done. It's happening all around you. But it takes time and patience and forgiveness and humour. And you need to earn it rather than expect it on demand.