I'm near certain that most of us spend our lives not being completely honest with each other. I know I'm guilty of this. I expect part of our self control is for good reason, wanting to save others from hurt or anguish. So we hold back, we reign it in, we make excuses and say to ourselves that deep down we are happy, and that we've got it all, or least more than most. I suspect we're all liars in this respect, and if we could flick a switch to change some aspects of our lives then we'd do it. I wonder, for example, how many people really love their partners as much as their partners think they do? I wonder how many men are being dishonest about their sex lives? I wonder how many of us, deep down, are truthful about what we'd like from our relationships, on every level.
I bet the percentage is low. Perhaps this is just the the best way for the world to be, bumping along with a moderate, surface level sobriety, whilst all the time beneath the surface a darker mass curdles.
How many times today did you NOT tell someone to fuck off when you really wanted to? Was anybody reading this tempted to slap some moron across the face? How many of you wanted to open those verbal floodgates and really give someone what for?
What's he going on about, I hear you say? What's prompted this tirade?
Actually, it's just me shagging around with ideas, because I don't think that what we see is always what we get when it comes to our day to day lives. I'd be surprised if any of you don't fall prey to the above. But doesn't it sometimes all just seem like so much dishonesty to you? I mean the self control? The false deference? These endless calculations we make about what to say, how to say it? So much latent fear, so much falsehood. If I'm missing the mark here then do say so, because I'm just doing what I always do. Just throwing out wild ideas like hand grenades, encouraging you to draw back the veil and consider what lies beneath. I hate that I act out this dance just like everybody else, and I hate that I will probably repeat the pattern tomorrow. I mean it's probably a good job isn't it? If we all said exactly what we were thinking all of the time the world would be a very different place.
Better? Worse? Perhaps both.