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Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Inappropriately Yours

Behind the veil, beyond the face I present to the world is a seething mass of contradictions. You might think me open compared to some, but trust me I'm holding back. I've never tried to be a typical man because I'm not sure I know what one of those is. And if I did I expect I wouldn't fit the mould. As I write this I am reflecting on the sheer volume of inappropriate fantasies I can entertain on any given day, and I'm confused as to whether this is something I should feel guilty about? I'm a married man and plan to stay that way, yet my ability to think sexually about other women is quite something. For the men reading this, am I alone or do we share the same predilection? It's ok guys, I'm not seeking a public answer. This isn't a confession. In fact, is confessing to this even required? I'm just thinking out loud, and now wondering whether I'm cheapening women by confessing that I sometimes sexualise them. I'm not winning any feminist friends here, am I? Oh well, I'm just trying to explore an issue that might be seen as something of a taboo. Fact is, if you're on my Facebook friends list and you're female I've probably had inappropriate thoughts about you at some point. 
What I'm exploring here is the difference between how we conduct ourselves in reality compared to how we operate in the safe space of our fantasy life. I'm not just talking sex here; on any given day you've probably had times when you reigned in an urge of some kind or another. This is, I expect a generally good thing.
I have a sneaky suspicion that you, and yes I do mean you, have probably indulged in similar fantasy based indiscretions at some point. I guess our fantasy life, our abstract other life, is a safe enough environment so long as we have control over it. I'm not here to make moral pronouncements on this issue, and I'm not the thought police. I'm trying to be honest about some of my quirks, whilst suspecting that it probably isn't even a quirk at all and that a lot of us play the same imaginary games. 

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