Another day, another article on how people have unrealistic expectations of marriage. And once again, the key point is lost amidst a fog of inanity. I'm going to be blunt, how's about you, and yes I mean YOU spend more time trying the be "The One", and less time trying to find "The One", and see where that takes you?
I have seen so many lovely people flit from relationship to relationship entirely unaware that what they seek was probably achievable within the thing they left behind. And no, I'm not saying stay in a bad relationship, but I am suggesting that we expand our vision and see the potential with existing ones. You think I'm over simplifying? Think I'm being unkind? I'm really not, I'm just stating the tediously obvious fact that relationships have to be maintained and cultivated and pruned in order for them to be the best they can be. Why should it be otherwise? It's a living organism isn't it ? And have you seen what happens to living things when they aren't tended to? Well done Sherlock; they decay, they wither, and they die, and it's almost always ugly. How many times have I seen people wax lyrical about the amazing new partner they've met, and yet within weeks, or maybe months it's all down the plug hole and I hear them bemoan how the spark had gone, how the magic was lost.
Yes yes, I can feel your heckles rising. How dare I suggest that you could have done more. That you both could have done more. Or that you may just lack the vision to really kick on and make something astounding between each other. Yet it is possible, and I speak from experience. And I reached this understanding at the moment when I decided that in order to find the right partner I had to be the right partner. I had to develop a deep understanding of what causes my wife to feel loved and cherished and empowered. I had to commit to making a daily effort to ensure this was the rule rather than the exception. And here's what happened; my wife became happier, more fulfilled, and being the incredible and classy lady that she is she reciprocated, and our mutual commitment has taken us on a journey that has blown us both away. So I'm saying that a great relationship is perfectly achievable, but I'm equally certain that you won't achieve it without making every effort to find out what makes him or her tick. Will you still have challenging days? Oh yeah. Will life sometimes get in the way and put a spanner in the works? Certainly. But the crucial difference will be is that you've established an underlying commitment to wanting someone else's highest good, which I regard as love incarnate. Romantic feelings may ebb and flow along with sexual desire, but when two people both want to consistently discover knew things about each other I'm confident that we can take relationships to amazing places. And keep them there.
In the event you are feeling judged further to reading this, or a failure, I don't want to make an effort to appease you. You have to decide the kind of person you want to be, and if what you are now isn't bringing you contentment then it is for you to make the necessary changes. Sorry if you wanted softly softly, or for me to justify your lack of vision. But isn't that what made you dissatisfied in the first place?