Know Your Own Radar

Nobody ever messes around with me. Nobody tries to bully or threaten or intimidate me. I literally never, and I mean never get those kinds of issues. And I wonder why? I'm not particularly large, nor aggressive, or confrontational. I don't think I act in a way that is menacing or intimidating. So why is it? Well I have come to the conclusion that its likely a combination of how I carry myself and how I tend not to play games. Anybody who has contact with me is going to get the real version, whatever that happens to be. I feel no need to try to impress you, or win you over, or demonstrate how amazing I am. I don't have much in the way of insecurities, or any axes to grind. I just feel liberated to be who I am on my terms. It wasn't always this way. As an overweight teen I had plenty of angst. I'd worry that nobody would find me attractive, or want to spend time with me, and that I would never really amount to anything. Feelings common to most teens, I expect. Yet as you go through life and as you mature then life has the tendency to show you what is important, to signpost you towards the things that are of real value. And if you are paying attention you grow to understand your strengths and capabilities and begin to play to them. Now I'm a good communicator. That's a brute fact. I can write and I can talk and I can make myself be understood. But that's just the half of it. In order to be a really good communicator you need a good radar. You need to be able to listen, to lean into trying to understand what other's think and why. Doesn't mean you have to agree with them and it doesn't even commit you to empathise. Yet I'd argue you will find, when you really spend time to listen to somebody you will see their humanity, and when you see that it somehow smoothes the way. So coming full circle and considering the opening line of this blog, the reason I don't think anybody messes with me is because they don't have to. You just need to be you and I expect we'll get on fine. All that said, throughout the course of my job I am often required to be very firm with the public when they do come on strong. I have a very simple and effective principle that I deploy in these cases. First you make clear what your concern is around their conduct, and then provide a very clear consequence should it persist. And what's massively important is that if it does the consequence needs to be deployed. It's so frustrating when I hear colleagues give frequent warnings and then never follow through. By the way the same principle often works with kids. Sometimes people need boundaries in order to overcome their baser natures, so put the boundaries in place. It's not so much about control as it is setting up the grounds for effective communication. Say what you're going to do and then do what you say. Every time. People will soon get the measure of you, and more importantly they will confidently know where they stand.