Far Changing Tides.

If i have learned one thing repeatedly this year it is just how helpless I am to change certain things. I couldn't do anything when i discovered that a close family member had been sexually assaulted, or when my brother in law died, or when my beloved Bischon Frise Billy had to be put to sleep. Couldn't do anything when my autistic daughter failed to land a job she was passionate about, or help my other child deal with the residual effects of trauma. There was no fix I could deploy, no solution to conjur, no cure I could offer. I've simply had to watch it all unfold. Life will always throw its slings and arrows at you. This is as inevitable as night following day. And there is much to be learned from trauma. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. 2022 has required a level of resilience from me that has left me mentally drained. I've lost weight, and to add insult to injury to few non grey hairs i did proudly possess have scurried off, presumably never to return. But you know what? I'm still standing. We as a family are still standing. And from this whole, horrible shit show of a year a miraculous thing has occured. We are closer as a family. We are connected. We are together. We've had each other's back. And that's not nothing. Under pressure things can implode and familes can be shattered, but from all the carnage we've pulled together and we're doing ok. A few days ago I looked as my sister stood at the grave of her husband as we committed his body to the Earth. She was small, fragile, but my God I have never seen a warrior like her. Having had her life turned on its head over the course of seven traumatic days she has been stretched to the emotional brink. Her dignity, her fortitude, her ability to accept the unthinkable has left me in awe. If courage had a name it would be Angela Knibbs. I'm astonished by her. Yet what lessons can I draw from 2022? Probably just that when the storms hit you just have to be authentic and accept that somedays it is going to feel very dark, whilst on other's, if you pay attention, you might perhaps get a glimpse of what life may look like beyond. As a family we are mourning a great many things, but we are walking the road toghether. We are there for each other. Right now I crave some calmer water so we can all steady our ships. It's been stormy out there, but life is a bit like the weather isn't it? It comes and goes, ebbs and flows, sometimes unchanging and at other times changing thrice daily. Nobody is owed happiness, and when it comes I've often heard it said we should treat it as guest. Make it welcome, don't take it for granted, and accept that it cannot stay for good. . .