What We Can Do About The Girl Who Never Came Home.

It's everywhere. It should be. And the same old questions have re-surfaced. I don't need to go into detail about Sarah Everard, but I am going to give one man's perspective on some possible solutions. Society is a big ship, and like any large vessel it can take a while to turn. Inappropriate male behaviour towards women crosses cultures and is no respecter of skin or race or geography. Now whilst I think there have been improvements one of the main things we can do is ensure that bad behaviour is stigmatised. Run the following though experiment for me; bring to mind an example of where society has ceased to endorse a particular behaviour and now reviles it. For my example I'm going with drink driving. Back in the 60's and 70's it was not at all uncommon. I remember my Dad doing it. But through a process of stigmatisation of the behaviour we've reached a point where no sane person get's up in the morning and say's, "I really admire people who drive when pissed". So society can change, but it requires sufficient momentum and willpower and resilience. I'm going to suggest that "handsy" behaviour and disrespect of women needs to be given the same treatment. Make it so unacceptable that there's an instinctive hesitance that arises in each person who's tempted. But one word of caution; it needs to be done without so disempowering men that it creates an under current of hostility. And that won't be easy. Right now, and perhaps rightly men are being portrayed as the villians of the peace. We generally are, and it is the responsibility of every mother and father and mentor to create a circle of virtue whereby we're forging better men. We need to realign masculinity with its best qualities. We all know a good man when we see one. They don't lack masculinity and don't seek to conceal it, but they are considered and smart and able to control those base impulses. For me real masculinity is strength under control, strength smartly deployed. Self awareness and awareness of where other's might be on the map. Only here's where I'm going to get a bit controversial. Women can really help out in this. By demanding better, by making very clear what their expectations are. It isn't your responsibility but you can play a part. Mother's teach your son's. Sister's inspire your brother's. And as for us guys, let's ensure we're all being accountable to each other. When you speak about a female be respectful. If you've spent any time around me you may notice that you won't ever hear me speak about Joy in a negative way. I simply don't think it's appropriate to speak adversely about my wife as I consider this disrespectful. Any issues I have are not for public consumption. Now if I'm being honest we are never going to rid the world of the kind of men that make our skin crawl. The kind that have no self awareness, that just haven't a clue how to be around the opposite sex. Let's be honest about this. But let's be hopeful too. Things can improve. Things need to. I've felt uncomfortable reading how so many women feel they have to hold their keys, pretend they are talking on the phone, and all the other self preservation behaviours when alone in public spaces. It makes me sick to my stomach. I tend to be quite unaware of who is around me when I'm out and about, but on the back of this I've resolved to ensure I'm giving females plenty of space. If I see one ahead I'm going to slow up so they know I'm not some jackass creeping up on them. That's a small price to pay. And if you're a women and you are spending time around me you can be quite sure you have nothing to fear.