You Were There - A Letter To Joy Barnes, My Wife Of 25 Years

Through the light and the dark, through laughter and sadness, through the ridiculous and the sublime, you were there. Within weeks of meeting you, this quiet and newly qualified teacher from Hemel Hempstead, I knew you were someone I could build with. Your timeless class, your gentle steadfastness, your willingness to invest in this quirky brown eyed boy from a small country town. You bet on me when many might have hesitated. You trusted me, you invested in me, you gambled on an unfinished product. On an overcast but dry day in May 1998 you floated down the aisle of a tiny church. We faced each other and took vows. We made promises to one another. For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. We took the great leap. Now, 25 years on, I look back over time and the overwhelming sense within me is gratitude. I struck gold. I won the lottery. I'm Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory. You have loved me when I was unlovely. You have kept your promises when many would have walked. You supported me when I wrote and published my book. You had my back during the terrible year of 2007 when I lost my father, lost the Christian faith that had bought us together, and when I left the job I had once loved but that was destroying me. You remained. You held the line. You have been a magnificent mother to our two beautiful girls and have invested so much of yourself into building relationships of trust and openness and acceptance with them. They love you for it. I love and respect you for it. And as for our journey, we have changed beyond measure from the wide eyed and naive kids we were when we first started out. We've consistently aimed to improve our level of connection with each other. We've learned which buttons to press. We've learned the buttons NEVER to press. We've learned how to build each other up and affirm, and I cannot recall a single example when we have acted out of spite. We've shared beautiful views, magnificent food, and enjoyed the company of wise and engaging people, and yet at the same time we have allowed each other to grow as individuals. There is a saying that love is something that can only be given with an open hand. If that hand closes too tightly it will crush and constrict and suffocate. Your hand has always been open, Joy. I'm so grateful that I have been able to be the truest version of myself with you and that you have found creative ways to work with this. The fact that we still want to grow, still want to find out new things about each other and open new doors is an amazing thing. Joy Louise Barnes,I could spend hours listing all the ways in which you have made my life better, but instead I want to say simply the following; You are my North star. You are my moral compass. You are the quiet voice amidst the storm that always helps me reach the shore. You are the first person I want to see in the morning and you will be the last person I want to see when one day,hopefully many years from now, I close my eyes for the last time. You are, and will forever be, The Lady Of The House.