There is a certain type of person who, for whatever reason, lives in the shadow of what other people think. Often it seems this incarceration is a self imposed one, borne of lack of confidence, fear of rejection, fear of admitting to themselves what they are. Of all the things we inflict upon ourselves this saddens me more than most, purely because it doesn't need to be this way. What makes us think that the opinions of others carry such weight? Why are we so pliable, so easily imposed upon? I've looked at this from many angles, and I've lived it, and only when you emerge into the bright blue skies of self determination can a person look back and see just how much cloud had gathered above.
Who are you? Who the fuck are you? Are you even close to knowing?
I can speak only from experience, but the day I shed myself of other peoples expectations was the first day that the real me emerged from my self imposed darkness. Beyond that you find that a process begins, a gradual extrication from a weight we never needed to carry in the first place. I know so many people who live lives of quiet fear, afraid of rejection, of not being accepted, and it honestly breaks my heart. Anxiety can suck the marrow from a person, reducing them to a husk, unable to function anywhere close to their full potential. And doesn't society do a grand job of keeping this ridiculous status quo? Oh the should's, the ought's, the thou shalt or shalt not. What a never ending fart this whole lunacy emits.
If this resonates with you, if there's a part of you in chains of your own making, would you do something for me? Actually, do something for yourself. Simply ask if this is how you always want to be? And if it isn't ask yourself why you're putting up with it now? To the best of my knowledge this is the one life we know we have, so why not at least commit to spending it as the person you want to be? Clearly if the person you want to be is a gun toting serial killer you may want to consider your options, but if you're an otherwise rational person you might free yourself up a bit, grow a bit, and take a few baby steps towards being a more authentic you. Frankly, if you choose not to, or if none of this makes sense then you're probably already down the road. This piece is a call to arms to those nervously shuffling in the shadows, those harbouring desires to be more than they are. Freedom is a wonderful thing. Self determination is a wonderful thing. But you need to have the courage to claim it, and that may involve disappointing a person or two along the way. I'm just saying that you owe it to yourself to make the best of this day and the days to come. Otherwise a time may come when you'll look back and regret the things you've never done. Your choice, I suppose, but from experience I've found that if I'm going to regret anything I'd rather it be the things I did do rather than those I did not. At least you get the answers then, and at least you get to dance to a tune you configured for yourself.