Sunday, 25 August 2013
Fifty Shades Of Reality
Here's something I don't understand. Apparently most males climax between 3 and 5 minutes after beginning sex. Is this intercourse or foreplay? Well I can't imagine it's the latter, and frankly the former strikes me as a pretty poor show. This whole sex thing has always seemed to me to be at it's best when the imagination is doing the majority of the heavy lifting, and imagination needs time and space to evolve and flourish. Perhaps some of you can crack that nut in 3-5 minutes but my initial question is why on earth would you want to? If I'm missing something here do say so, because another issue I've got with the above statistic is how that factors in the needs, desires, and fantasies of the person you're with? I'm suspicious that such a short timescale may leave enough time for selfish satisfaction but not for a whole lot else. And for me intimacy is always about giving, always about putting the other person first. Perhaps that's not normal, but if normal means a straight sprint to orgasm then you're welcome to it. I cannot imagine making my own needs more important than my partner's. I cannot imagine curling up beside someone who isn't fulfilled. Previous blogs have already outlined my views on sex and creativity, so I don't need to parrot that again. It's just I don't have any inhibitions on the issue. I'm an open book and it's so cool when somebody trusts you enough to share the other side of themselves, the fantasy side, the risqué and unconventional side. Have you ever done that thing when you're in a crowd and you wonder what the people around you are into? No? Try it sometime. And do it with the certainty that you'll probably get it wrong most of the time. That's what I love about us. What you see isn't always what you get. The bus driver that drops you off every morning could be a sexual gigolo in the bedroom. That shy and understated cashier you smile at could have a sex toy collection the size of Wembley stadium. That emergency responder who breaks up the pub fight on a Saturday night might bring his girlfriend breakfast in bed the next morning and spend the entire day waiting on her hand and foot, possibly naked, and most likely loving every minute. And the nurse who spends her day alleviating pain may spend long evenings inflicting it on her compliant boyfriend. This is such an intriguing facet of human nature. These alter ego's, these hidden trails concealed in plain view. Anyway, what about you? Any hidden trails you'd like to explore? Any fantasies you've always flirted with but felt too shy or self conscious to share? My hope for you is that if you're in a trusting and stable relationship you will feel able to express yourself. And if you're still awaiting that special someone, I hope that when you meet the connection will be so complete that you get to express yourself in the fullest possible sense. There are no rules to this thing, people. And we only have so many years to our name. So don't let inhibition quieten who you are; don't subdue that inner vixen, or that Knight in shining armour. That would be a real big shame.