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Saturday, 23 February 2013

The Dark Side Of The Rainbow

Sometimes I really like the idea of having an affair.
There. Said it. Surprised? You shouldn't be, because I've felt exactly the same for more years than I care to remember. The whole thought of doing the wrong thing, of being illicit, of crashing through the moral barriers before me. It's really quite appealing, and sometimes the urge is stronger than at other times.
Remarkably, I've remained faithful for fifteen years, despite having at least a couple of opportunities not to be. So why didn't I? Well the answer is kind of dreary. I didn't want to see people hurt. Specifically, I didn't want to betray the trust of my children nor the women who gave them to me. Don't think for a second that I've achieved some kind of moral victory here, because its a battle I'm still fighting at various times. And yes, I can play the evolutionary card and admit that all men are wired this way, which is true, but I can't do that without also admitting that our evolutionary heritage gifted me a brain which, in theory, should help me overcome some of those urges.
Ladies, I'm not going to apologise for any of the above. I began blogging with the aim of being as honest as I could, which means sometimes the veil gets torn and you see me for what I am. A double standard, a man who does the right thing through gritted teeth rather than due to any strength of character.
At this point I could also play the "all men are like this card" , but that's so dreary and predictable. I don't have to be them, or inhabit their body. I can only be me, and as I play out the role this is one of my Achilles heels.
So there it is. Good old Rob. Rob who makes people laugh, who says the things other people only think of saying. At it again. On the plus side, I've never claimed to be on a moral pedestal. Fact is, whilst statistically I do the right thing probably 90 percent of the time, I could only claim of actually wanting to do the right thing for about 10 percent. I do the right thing because its the right thing to do, when more often than not the appeal of doing the opposite is way more alluring.
Bit of a mess, really? Oh don't worry ladies, I'm not about to leer lecherously in your direction anytime soon. Chances are I'll just continue to do the right thing, and continue to sometimes loathe having to do the right thing.
In spite of myself.

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