Tuesday, 17 July 2012

The Mullet Effect

If you sport a mullet you are making a very clear statement about yourself. You are, simply put, announcing to the world that you are the result of in breeding. You may just as well wear a t-shirt adorned with the slogan "I married my sister"
You see, a mullet makes plain that you lack self awareness. It means each time you look in the mirror you consciously ignore that you look like you've just emerged from some shack in the Florida Everglades. Even if you're not called "Bubba" or "Cletus" you would probably answer to either. The message you send is that you are incapable of realising you look like you've had a lobotomy, and that this mop of absurdity atop your freshly stitched skull was what theatre staff scooped off the floor post op.
If you doubt any of the above, consider the sad case of the head of G4S, responsible for the shambles now more commonly known as Olympic security.
I wonder; when bidding for the contract was it all done over the phone? Surely no self respecting MP could consider dealing with a person sporting a mullet? It would be as risky as telling Jeremy Kyle about your affair with Tracy Twelve-Kids and then expecting him not to reveal this on daytime television, or being a female employed by Bill Clinton and not expecting him at some point to be asking you for a blow job. Ain't gonna happen partner.
To conclude, mullets are one of natures warning signs. A bit like brightly coloured insects or Travellers in white transits. You can ignore these red flags if you want to, but it's not as though you haven't been warned.

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