The last few days have bought me face to face with my own inadequacies.
Realist that I am, it has been a chastening experience. You see, I'm trying to learn new skills, and thus far the results have been underwhelming. Each day I am being taught something new, and each day I am doing it badly. In fact, it has reached a point somewhere between comedy and absurdity. Such is life out of my comfort zone.
By the way, I'm not melancholy. I'm pragmatic. I never expected to adopt this new skill set easily, and everybody had warned me that this particular course would be amongst the toughest my organisation offers.
Thing is, it doesn't matter how badly I feel I'm doing, it hasn't occurred to me for a second that I won't ever be able to do the job. Fact is, in a few months I'll look back and wonder what all the angst was about. I am going to get proficient at this. I'm going to get good because I have chosen to do so, and Hell will freeze over before I abandoned this hope. This means I've committed my immediate future to many days when I come home feeling as I do now. But I'll tell you what, when I do click into gear it will make the feeling all the sweeter. Without wishing to betray my arrogance, if I choose to pursue a goal I more often than not achieve it. It's going to be the same with my current situation. Today I'm not very good. Tomorrow will be a slightly improved version of the same replete with new errors. Which means I'm going to have to get my head down and push through, reminding myself constantly that to do my job well will likely take a very long time.
The reason for this blog? My way of reminding myself and perhaps others that just because it doesn't come easy doesn't mean we should roll into a ball. For those in similar situations I encourage you to gird your sides, to take a deep breath and keep going. Don't worry if you knock down a few hurdles along the way; that doesn't mean you've failed.
So tomorrow I'll once again turn up and take a further few slices of humble pie. But if you look closely, and squint hard enough, you might also see some clue that there's light at the end of the road.