What makes some people sexier than others? Chemistry? Visual appeal? The way they move or the things they say? And why is it that some people, even when they try, just somehow never quite manage it?
There's probably no single answer, but the more I reflect the more I become convinced that the brain is just the most incredible sexual organ. And it's because of this that I'm suggesting that almost everyone can tap into themselves and discover levels of sexual creativity and connectivity that they might not be aware of.
First though, and perhaps I'm alone in this, I really don't see anything particularly alluring about our conventional sexual ideals. What I mean to say is that the stock image of pretty young things tottering around at the weekend is one that strikes me as deadly dull. Window dressing, cappuccino sexuality, overt and clumsy and without a spark. You're welcome to it. For me, I'm more drawn to those who are genuinely interesting, genuinely open, self aware without being self obsessed. Women who strive for beauty or who fear it's passing have always seemed incredibly unsexy and insecure to me. If you think your looks are going to get you through then in the short term perhaps they might; but don't be surprised when the day comes when you can't cash in on that any more. I can honestly say that the sexiest people I've ever met are those that don't carry that kind of angst around with them, women of intelligence and confidence and those open to new experience. Regarding men, I can only hazard a few speculations as to what might beguile the average female. I'm guessing a sharp mind, a sense of humour, someone prepared to engage with their masculinity without being a moron. It seems to me, and always has, that females like a guy who can express themselves to a point, but they don't really want a new man. New man has always seemed a bit of a useless article to me, a kind of castrated half breed always trying too hard to be perfectly attentive. Well excuse me, but screw that. Even the women who say they want a new man don't actually mean it, and if we're too nice you lose all respect. I get that you want me to be sensitive on occasion, and prepared to listen, but if you're looking to remove the animal then the only one you rob is yourself. Guys, for the most part, need to retain at least a little of our raw masculinity, something mildly unpredictable. Domesticated men are like Roman eunuchs; great for certain practical purposes but not well designed to bend you over the kitchen table.
How crude of me? How presumptuous? Is there anything about me that suggests I'm concerned? Anyway, I started by claiming that the brain is our best sexual organ, and that's how I intend to end. Get connected with what makes you tick, and take time to find out what makes other's tick, too. Getting inside someone's mind is intoxicating, empowering, and a world of fun. But it takes honesty, candour, and a certain vulnerability. If you can manage this feat then I predict you'll enjoy better relationships, more enduring relationships, and one's with potential limited only by the willingness of those involved to continually search for new paths.