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Saturday, 24 December 2011

Twilight Tedium

Perhaps 30 minutes isn't enough to form a full judgement, but I tried watching one of the Twilight films last night. As a cure for insomnia I can heartily recommend it, but as a piece of entertainment I would rather do a bungee jump with the cord attached to my nuts.
Didn't anybody teach werewolves and vampires to masturbate? That would at least have alleviated some of the sexual tension. The wolf could have used a cushion whilst the vampire; actually I don't know what the vamp could have done? No matter, the entire 30 minutes was spent waiting for something meaningful, for something interesting to occur. This was to be a wait in vain, however. I know, I know, I've just added to entire teen population of the western world to this list of those who'd like to see me tarred and feathered. Oh well, I'm always on the lookout to alienate a new demographic.
I initially thought my failure to comprehend this media phenomena was to do with my age, but then I simply decided that the story lacked drive, the characters dull, and the dynamic was turgid. This was bad movie making by anybody's standards; the film makers would do well to study the work of Christopher Nolan or JJ Abrams to learn how to spin a rollicking good yarn.
For goodness sake Mr angst ridden vampire and lamp post deprived werewolf; please please simply take a few moments to knock one out; I'm convinced that would have helped all concerned!

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