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Monday, 19 December 2011

Should I Apply?

I’m thinking of applying for the role of supreme leader of North Korea. As I understand it the jobs straightforward enough. The successful applicant receives God like status and his every word and deed is regarded as unquestionable and beyond reproach. So far, so good. The main criteria appear to be a commitment to dominating a population of millions, ensuring they are kept hungry, ignorant, and terrified. It’s also advantageous that they are regularly brainwashed into believing that the leader is actually doing them a favour by treating them in this way. Another fairly pivotal job requirement is to sporadically piss off the southern neighbours; they have after all succumbed to a rather nasty ailment known as democracy. Any money obtained from the bewildered populace, rather than re-investing in infrastructure and development can be diverted straight into a nuclear weapons program. Let the peasants starve by all means, but for goodness sake don’t build too few weapons of mass destruction.
In fact, I wonder whether I’m the right guy for this gig. Whilst I do a nice line in eccentric, I’ve little practical experience in being a despot. I’m also afflicted by a nasty malady referred to as empathy and compassion, which stops me doing stuff like eating babies and pulling the legs off kittens. I wonder whether my skill set would be best deployed elsewhere.

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