Show of hands please? How many of you have been dumped, or divorced, or rejected for perhaps other reasons? Ok, hands down, I already knew I wouldn't be the only one.
I bet you can remember those feelings. I bet you can retrieve them as quickly as you could pull your mobile from your pocket. Probably faster. There are plenty of unpleasant events that happen in our lives, but being rejected almost always creates a deep and often profound wound. How quickly it heals varies from person to person, perhaps even depends on what came before. Like it or not we're all products of our own story, and sometimes the script that's churned out could have done with a second draft.
So what happened after? Those first few hours, days, weeks? How long did it take to sink in, when you finally registered that the other person just didn't have the commitment, the desire, the love?
I can't say for sure, but I wonder whether it's worse for women? I only say this because self image is a normally a bigger deal for them? When a man says I don't want you, I don't desire you, don't want to be with you does it hurt as much as I suspect? And what then? The emotional storm that ebbs and flows; perhaps an early numbness combined with notions of rising above it? Only then like quicksand we get sucked down, a curdling anger seeping outward and a sense, perhaps misplaced, of savaged pride. Oh by the way, don't underestimate the pride bit; you can bet that most of the negative feelings that follow will have roots that go deep into its heart.
How long was it before you were able to move on? Have you moved on? How much damage has been done? Is it harder to trust, tougher to see yourself as desirable to someone else? It's a shocker how self image can tie us all up in mental knots. Only here's the thing; your past doesn't have to dictate your future. What was doesn't automatically have to be again. For most people there's hope and possibilities, even though imagining that is often near impossible. And another thing; don't expect anybody else to appreciate you if you're not able to appreciate yourself. And I don't mean self adoration, but rather just a healthy appreciation of your own self worth, a recognition that you can be smart, sexy, engaging.
The reason for this blog? Today I heard accounts of how people's lives had been eroded by the behaviour of others. I heard about the wounds, the waste, the fear that some perfectly decent people have to endure. It doesn't surprise me that there's evil in the world, and yet I do feel we need to resist it. And part of that journey means we should sometimes just look in the mirror and say to ourselves, "I'm ok. I have qualities."
We've all got to start someplace.