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Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Riots And The Small Penis Theory

Dear juvenile. I'm sorry that you have a small penis. It must be very frustrating to have a carry a magnifying glass wherever you go. It must also be terribly humiliating that girls burst into fits of giggles whenever you drop your trousers, and I agree they probably shouldn't have posted a mobile phone picture of your bits on the "It's Hardly Worth The Bother Website"
I can understand that it must be difficult having genitalia that would make a fruit fly blush, and that it's torrid having to continually buy extra small under pants. On a positive note, you're going to be spared the agony of being whacked in the groin by a football, but that's probably small consolation. Oh sorry, I'll try to limit my usage of the word small. I know it rankles. 
Point is, whilst I understand your anger at being dealt such a dud hand in the landing gear department, I'm not sure you are expressing your angst in a productive manner? The staff at JJB haven't done anything to harm you, have they? And that small business you've just torched took somebody years  of hard work to build up, and now you've ruined someone's dreams because you can't cope with your own shortcomings. Now I expect you do have it tough. Your parents might not be around, and you might live in a bad area, and perhaps people haven't always been kind to you. Still, does that justify the throwing of a single brick? Or the arson of a single car? Or the robbery of a single terrified citizen? Now here's a little something to burst your bubble of misconception; most people in this country have to work hard just to survive. They have kids to feed, homes to pay for, and none of these things land in their lap. You see, being a decent member of society means being a team player and getting down to some good old fashioned graft. We might not like what our politicians do and you've probably heard us grumble, but we don't set out on a mindless rampage just because we don't always get what we want.
We have a phrase for that; We call it "Throwing our toys out of the pram", which is something that children do. So let's be clear that whilst you might have one or two genuine grievances, the destruction of your neighborhood and the lives of others can never be a solution. It just can't. So when you get home this evening with your new trainers, or your Xbox game, or whatever it is you've cribbed from civilized society can I gently suggest that there are better ways to express yourself? Now you know I'm joking about the small penis bit, but you can hardly blame us for suspecting that you're not actually real men, can you? Real mean don't do what you've done; they apply themselves with decency and honesty and work towards being a part of the solution rather than just magnifying the problem.
I've just used the word "magnify" again, haven't I? That was probably a bit "short" sighted of me?

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